


Why Padfoot Should Tell Moony

by ThatFilmGraduate



Series: Moonys and Padfoots and Confessions [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Confessions, Established Relationship, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Idiots in Love, Lists, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-07 22:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21224969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFilmGraduate/pseuds/ThatFilmGraduate
Summary: Remus Lupin has just endured an evening of immense pain and he is, understandably, knackered. All he wants to do is curl up in his warm bed and sleep for the next 48 hours. But things don't always go according to plan.In which the Full Moon has been and passed, and Remus has a letter to read.Remus/Sirius.Companion Piece: Why Moony Should Tell Padfoot.





	Why Padfoot Should Tell Moony

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these HP characters or settings. 
> 
> Written: August, 2016  
Rewritten: May, 2019

The walk from the Hospital Wing to Gryffindor Tower was long and bitter.

Remus Lupin shivered and pulled his heavy winter cloak tighter around himself as he trudged along the lengthy corridors and up the winding staircases. When he finally reached the Tower, he mumbled the password (_Fizzy Bees_) and stepped into the common room, ignoring the Fat Lady's admonishments about his poor articulation.

The communal area was blissfully empty and eerily quiet, and it took the werewolf a full minute to realise why: it was mid-afternoon, on a cold January weekday, the day after the Full Moon. Everyone was in class, and he had the Tower to himself.

Exhaling quietly, he turned and climbed the stone steps that led to the Dorm.

He had been released from the Wing early, insisting to both Madam Pomfrey and the Marauders that he was fine and that all he needed was some rest. Madam Pomfrey had checked him over and, after confirming that he had no serious injuries, he was allowed to leave. The Marauders had tried to stay with him after he was released, but he had insisted that he could make his way to the Tower by himself and that they go to their classes. His dorm-mates had been reluctant to leave him alone, but Remus Lupin was a stubborn prick and he outlasted them.

Truth be known, he was glad of the quiet. He had just endured a night of immense pain and all he wanted to do was crawl into his warm bed and sleep for the next 48 hours. He was tired, and he ached everywhere, and he was really not feeling up to entertaining company – closest friends included.

Remus opened the door to his Dorm and slipped into the room silently. He stumbled over to his bed and stripped off his cloak, trying (and somewhat succeeding) to avoid straining his rigid muscles. He then pulled on the first clean jumper he could find and a fresh pair of boxer shorts.

For a moment, he just stood by his bedside, mentally weighing his options: shower or sleep? (Usually he would wash before he climbed into his bed, but he was knackered and, honestly, he wasn't sure he would be able to stand for much longer. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had had an exerting evening, running around the Shack for hours on end, and right now, what Remus needed was a bit of R&R.) He quickly decided that he would shower after he had slept.

With that decision made, he pulled back the sheets and climbed in.

Mindful of his injuries, he lay back carefully and practically melted into his pillows. His eyes closed and he shifted to make himself more comfortable, pausing when he heard a crinkle near his ear. Frowning, he blindly groped around his head to find the source and after a second of searching, his hand gripped something. He opened his eyes and squinted at the object in his hand: a piece of paper, folded over with his name printed in a familiar scrawl on the front.

After a moment of consideration, Remus decided that the note could wait and he sluggishly pushed it under his pillow for later. Mere seconds after that, he fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Remus awoke hours later to the sound of footsteps creeping around his room.

He lay still in his cocoon of blankets and pillows and listened to his roommates as they attempted to be quiet. After a moment of indecipherable whispering, he felt his bed dip and knew that one of his mates had sat down beside him.

"Moony...?"

James Potter, his groggy mind supplied.

He grunted in response and opened his eyes, staring at the two Purebloods beside him: Sirius Black, who was sitting on the edge of his bed and watching him intently, and James Potter, who was looming over him with his hands shoved in his pockets. He offered the lads a weak smile and noticed some of the tension drain out of them.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked, moving so that he was facing Remus fully.

"Fine," he mumbled, because he did feel fine. He still felt tired but that was to be expected after the night he'd had. And he still ached everywhere but that would (hopefully) go away once he'd had a nice, long, hot shower. Yawning, he pushed himself up so that he was leaning against the headboard and glanced around the room. "Where's Pete?"

"He's gone down to the Kitchens for us," James replied.

"You missed dinner," Sirius added. "We thought you'd be hungry when you woke up."

Remus hummed and turned his head to look out of the window by his bed, grimacing at the kink in his neck. "What time is it?" he asked, noticing how dark it was outside.

"Just after 8 o'clock," Sirius answered.

Remus nodded faintly and scrubbed a weary hand over his face. "D'you think I've time for a shower before he comes back?"

James and Sirius shared a look before James shrugged and replied, "I don't see why not."

Remus nodded and climbed out of his bed, Sirius and James helping him out of the mounds of blankets tangled around his feet. Once he was sure that he could stand by himself, he stretched out, his joints popping and cracking satisfactorily.

James winced at the sounds and, with a disgusted face, he stated: "That's rotten, mate."

Remus couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped. "Sorry," he replied, dropping his arms.

"Ahuh, sure you are," James replied, feigning annoyance before his façade broke and he grinned. "It's fine. Nice jumper, by the way."

Remus frowned and looked down at his jumper.

It was then that he realised why his friend was smirking. He was wearing a jumper that Sirius had bought him for his seventeenth birthday and written on it, alongside a silhouette of a dog, were the words: **Property of S.O.B. **He looked up and glared at James who just snickered, the glare not having much weight to it since Sirius was standing next to the werewolf and grinning. Sirius just shrugged when Remus looked at him.

"I agree wholeheartedly, Prongs," Sirius beamed, and high-fived James without either of them looking.

Remus rolled his eyes, wondering how he was friends with such idiots, and began walking towards the en suite for a well-needed shower.

"Have a nice shower!" James chirped, dropping onto his bed carelessly.

Remus grunted in response and stepped into the bathroom, moving over to the sinks. Sirius followed and closed the door behind them. He then jumped up to sit on the counter next to the sink bowls and watched Remus. Remus ignored the other student and inspected himself in the long mirror.

To be as nice as possible, he looked like shit. He was covered in mud from the Forbidden Forest and leftover blood from the transformation. His hair was a mess – from sleep or the long night, he didn't know – and he had a small cut on his face, just above his eyebrow. The cut wouldn't scar but it would linger for the next week or so, meaning he would have to explain it if anyone asked.

Sighing, he poured himself a small capful of mouthwash and began swashing.

"You look fine, Remus," Sirius said softly.

Remus paused and glanced at his friend, finding the ex-Aristocrat watching him closely. Sirius stared back stubbornly, his hands fidgeting with his sleeves absentmindedly. Remus hummed sceptically and returned to his task, spitting the mouthwash out and starting on brushing his teeth.

"Honestly," Sirius insisted after a moment. "You'll be right as sun once you've had a shower."

Remus laughed and washed his mouth out with water before he replied, "You mean 'right as rain'."

"What?"

"The phrase," Remus explained, putting his toothbrush and toothpaste into the holder, "It's 'right as rain' not 'right as sun'."

Sirius frowned. "But... that doesn't make any sense. The sun is much nicer than the rain," he argued.

"Oh, I don't know," Remus replied, moving to turn the shower on. "The rain has its qualities: feeds the world; offers a setting for romantic declarations; provides an excuse to stay in when you don't want to go out."

Sirius just hummed from his place on the countertop.

"You don't have to be in here, you know," Remus stated, putting his hand under the spray to see if it was warm enough yet.

"I know," Sirius replied. After a moment of silence, he added, "You didn't miss much today. We mostly just studied the things you've already read in the books. Wormy has legible notes, though; if you need them."

"Right," Remus nodded and removed his hand from under the spray. "That's good. Thanks."

There was another bout of silence before Sirius cleared his throat and asked, "Did you, um... Did you happen to find a note on your pillow earlier?"

Remus paused and stared at the other Gryffindor. Sirius seemed nervous, hands fidgeting and grey eyes on anything but Remus, and an anxious Sirius Black was Not Common. Remus tried to catch the eyes of his best mate but failed, so he searched his memory. His mind was always fuzzy around the Full Moon but he vaguely recalled finding something on his pillow before he fell asleep.

"Yeah," he answered, "I did. But I haven't read it yet. Why?"

"No reason," Sirius chirped, his voice too casual. He jumped off the countertop and stalked towards the door, calling behind himself, "I'll get you a towel."

Remus frowned, wondering at Sirius's strange behaviour, but decided to ignore it (because, let's be honest, they were all a bit strange) and instead began stripping off. Sirius emerged in the doorway a minute later with a towel that he threw at Remus who _just_ managed to catch it. He then winked and left, closing the door behind himself and leaving Remus alone.

Remus placed the towel on the hook, stripped off his boxer shorts, and stepped into the shower stall. The hot waterfall was bliss, easing his aches almost immediately and washing away all of the dirt and blood and events of the previous night.

* * *

After nearly 20 minutes in the shower, Remus climbed out and wrapped his towel around his waist.

To say that he felt better would be an understatement. The hot water had done wonders. His aches were almost non-existent, his pains were somewhat soothed, and he felt more alert than he had earlier. He also felt kind of hungry, which was ideal because he was sure that he could smell food in the other room.

He swiftly dried himself off and _Accio_'d some clean clothes from the Dorm. He collected his pyjamas from the doorway and dressed quickly, eager for food. Moments later, he left the bathroom and found his friends sitting on James's bed. He sat down next to Sirius, opposite Peter, and picked up a hot pork sandwich. Before he could eat anything, however, Sirius handed him a glass of something green and demanded:

"Drink up, Moonpie."

Remus reluctantly took the glass of sludge and gulped it down, grimacing at the taste. Instead of asking what it was that he had just drank, he picked up his sandwich again and started chomping.

"Y'alright, Moony?" Peter asked, looking amused.

Remus nodded.

"Good," he muttered. "You coming down to the common room? McKinnon's going to arm-wrestle Fortescue and people are making bets. My money's on McKinnon."

Remus swallowed and answered, "No, I think I'll stay up here. Get a bit more rest, maybe go over your notes from today's lessons? I reckon I'll be able to go to classes tomorrow if I rest up a bit more."

"No problems, mate. My notes are in my bag. D'you want me to get them for you?"

"No, thanks. I can get them."

"Alright. D'you want us to place a bet for you on McKinnon?"

Remus chuckled and shook his head, reaching for another sandwich and wolfing it down. After a beat of companionable silence, he asked, "It's the Quidditch game next Saturday, isn't it?"

"Yes. Hufflepuff are going down," James replied confidently. "You see, Moony m'dear, I have a fool-proof plan. One that is undeniably brilliant. You see, if we..."

Potter then talked about his brilliant game plan for the next ten minutes, explaining how fool-proof it was and why it was going to win them the first match of the New Year and eventually the House Cup.

Truth be told, Remus wasn't really listening. He just nodded and occasionally added an: 'Oh, really? That'll definitely work.' James didn't seem to notice and when Peter asked a question, he turned his full attention to the other student to explain part of the plan again. Remus felt a nudge at his side and looked over to find Sirius staring at him.

"You alright?" he asked, watching Remus carefully.

"I'm fine," he answered. "Just tired."

Sirius hummed. "Do you want me to stay up here with you?" he asked. "I don't mind. We could study or listen to music or something...?"

Remus smiled and shook his head. "No, you should go down and have fun."

Sirius stared back uncertainly.

"Really," Remus insisted. "You should go down and place your bets and maybe even verse McKinnon when she beats Fortescue. I'll be sleeping anyways. Or going over Pete's notes. Haven't decided which to do yet."

"If you're sure..."

"I'm sure," he insisted. "Go. Have fun."

Sirius nodded and said, "Okay."

The pair stared at each other for a moment longer before Remus finally looked away and picked up a chocolate éclair. Sirius leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder, and they tuned into the conversation between Peter and James once again.

* * *

About 10 minutes later, three out of four Marauders left to socialise with the rest of Gryffindor House and Remus was left alone with a mountain of food and a blissfully silent bedroom.

Deciding to get some more rest, Remus plucked his covers back and stared down at the consequences of leaving a shower until after sleep; his sheets were covered in mud and dust and dried blood. Sighing, he picked up his wand and whispered a quick _Scourgify_ before he climbed in and lay down. He shifted and pushed a hand under his pillow where he felt rather than heard something crumple.

Frowning, he sat up and extracted the note from under his pillow. It was parchment paper and, on the front, written in Sirius's elegant scrawl, were the words: **For the attention of Remus John Lupin**. Staring at the note, Remus recalled the conversation he'd had with Sirius earlier (_Did you, um... Did you happen to find a note on your pillow earlier?_) and decided to read the note.

**:: … ::**

** Reasons I Love Moony and Why I Have To Tell Him **

**I – His smile. The first thing I notice about Moony is his smile. It causes all kinds of weird sensations to happen within me. Red once described the feeling as butterflies and I think that is quite an apt description because that is what it feels like whenever he smiles at me; like butterflies fluttering through my veins and taking up residence in my gut. It is a strange feeling but not one I am opposed to. **

**II – His laugh. Enough said.**

**III – His touch. His touch is perhaps the only thing that can calm me down when I am in one of my Moods. A simple touch can soothe away all of my anger and frustrations. His touch is also the only thing that can turn me into a puddle of hormones and lust. An added bonus is that Moony is always warm, something that is likely attributed to his condition and something I appreciate because Scotland is fucking freezing. **

**IV – His voice. Moony has an odd accent; a mixture between Welsh and Tyke. His tone has the ability to silence me; to calm me down when I am having one of my episodes; to lull me to sleep after my nightmares; to keep me interested in something that, if it weren't Moony talking about it, would bore me to tears. **

**V – His eyes. On second thought, his eyes may be the first thing I notice. They are expressive; a fusion of colour and emotion. For the most part, Moony's eyes are a hazel-amber blend but depending on what mood he is in, they can change colour. When passionate, his eyes go amber. When angry, they go an almost golden colour. When happy, his eyes turn a light hazel. And when excited, they turn a murky green colour. Moony doesn't express himself very often but his eyes can hide nothing from me.**

**VI – His intelligence. It is no secret that Moony is an intelligent bastard. But it is a secret just how intelligent he can be. He is not just academically smart but he can also read people and situations – which is quite amazing for someone who grew up in isolation. He is the mastermind behind most of our pranks and I reckon he has read more books than Prongs, Wormtail and Red combined. **

**VII – His kind nature. Moony is a modern saint; patient to a fault and often too kind for his own good. His generosity is both good and bad. Good because even after all he has been through and after all of the prejudice that he has faced over the years, he is still kind to everyone – even to those who don't deserve his time or his forgiveness. But bad because people often take advantage of him. But I wouldn't change him for anything. The world is an unforgiving place, full of evil and hate, but he is the light. The world would be a far better place if there were more Moonys out there. **

**VIII – His humour. Moony's humour is one of the most attractive things about him. He is witty and sarcastic and he has such a dry humour that people often mistake him for being serious. He is often called cynical and pessimistic but he is not. You just have understand him. His remarks have gotten him into trouble more than once. He has been caught in at least three duels that I know of because of his mouth. But he can handle himself. **

**IX – His strength. Moony is one of the strongest people I know. He hides his physical strength with thick jumpers and loosely fitted tops but when you've spent numerous evenings in Moony's bed with Moony, not much can be hidden. He has also suffered years of pain and judgement but he still manages to be positive and forgiving. Any other man would have been bitter and resentful by now, but not Moony. Moony's strength is something to admire.**

**X – Him. Moony is a beautiful human being, both inside and out. His scars are a constant reminder of what he has endured but they show how strong he is and they only add to his beauty. He does not think himself very handsome but he is and I am not the only one to think so either, judging from the amount of girls at this school who stare at him. But they don't get to be with him so it doesn't matter that they stare because Remus is mine and I am his.**

**I know that Moony has his issues. He has difficulties with his furry little problem. He is insecure about his scars and he cannot take a compliment without waiting for a punchline. He always seems to be cautious, as if waiting for us to abandon him. But all of these anxieties add to what makes him Moony. **

**He and I are one in the same. We are both fucked up. We both know what it is like to have family who despise us and we both know what it feels like to be judged constantly. As much as I wish he didn't know how all of this feels, he does. And when I am with him, I don't feel alone because he understands. With Moony, I feel normal. I feel like there is hope for the future; like I could do anything so long as he is by my side. And that is why I need to tell him. Because if I keep this hidden any longer, then I might actually combust and reveal my love for him at the most inopportune moment.**

**If I don't tell him how amazing and strong and funny and beautiful I find him, then he will never know and he will never believe it. I need him to know that he is the only person who can pull me from my Black Moods; that he is perfect and that he makes me feel worth something. I need him to know that I have felt alone my entire life but when I am with him, I don't feel that way. I need him to know that I love him because he makes me a better person whether he means to or not. **

**The only issue I have now is how to tell him. Prongs suggested I should just stop being an idiot and tell him but that, quite frankly, is a terrifying thought. I cannot just tell him. I am not brilliant with words when it comes to important things. Whenever I am around him and feelings come into play, I become a stuttering mess and I can never say everything I want to. Most of the time I say the wrong thing and I absolutely cannot fuck it up this time. But I can't keep it hidden for much longer. **

**I don't want to mess this up but he has to know. If it ruins everything and he doesn't love me back, then I will deal with it but he must know what he does to me and how much I need him. I will tell him. The only thing I need to figure out is how. Prongs is shit at giving advice but perhaps Red will know what to do. Or maybe Wormtail. **

**:: … ::**

Remus lowered the note, his mind racing a million miles a second and asking so many questions. Questions like: when did Sirius write the note? Did he write it for Remus? And if so, why as it written in a way that implied that no one was supposed to read it? Also, why was the letter so long? Did Sirius – oblivious, unobservant Sirius Black – really think this much about him? Did Sirius really mean all of it? Why? And how, if Sirius did really mean it all, had Remus not known that his best friend – his boyfriend, for lack of a better word – felt this way about him? He was supposed to know Sirius inside and out and now there was evidence of a Sirius Black that he did not know.

Remus frowned and swiped at his eyes, angry at his emotional response. His emotions always ran high around the Full Moon and he was unable to halt the tears pooling. He closed his eyes tight and took a few moments to compose himself before he opened them again and stared at the letter in his hand, his eyes automatically extracting random snippets and reading them again.

Clearing his throat, he folded the letter up carefully and lay down again. He stared up at his red canopy and silently thought about what he had just read. Everything in the letter, spread out across two pages in Sirius's elegant scrawl – it was all so raw and so Sirius. Honestly, how had he not noticed how Sirius felt? Him, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black's number one fan and one of the few people who knew the real Sirius. How had he not seen it?

Angry with himself, Remus closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep, waiting for his dorm-mates to return.

* * *

Remus was awoken from his restless slumber some time later when his friends tumbled into the Dorm, Peter crowing about a win of some sort and James lamenting about a loss. The Marauders were not unobtrusive as they shuffled around the room, Peter and James going to their respective beds whilst Sirius changed into his pyjamas.

"What happened?" Remus asked, sitting up.

"McKinnon beat Fortescue," Peter replied, collapsing onto his bed.

"And then she beat everyone else who competed against her: Longbottom, Bones from Hufflepuff, Meadowes from Ravenclaw, both of the Dearborn siblings," James added.

"And then Wormtail versed her and Prongs bet against him and Pete won," Sirius stated. "Who would've thunk it, eh? Our little Wormy beating Marlene McKinnon."

"Oi!" Peter yelled, face buried in his pillow, his words muffled. "I heard that!"

"I wasn't trying to be quiet," Sirius muttered.

"Pads, can I talk to you a sec?" James asked, nodding toward to adjoined bathroom. "I need to ask you about... a thing. Nothing to do with Lily. Or her birthday."

"Subtle, Prongs," Sirius replied, shaking his head faintly. "Real subtle."

With that, Sirius picked up his bag of toiletries and followed James into the washroom. Remus didn't give them too much thought because, honestly, James Potter and Sirius Black were always sneaking off to have conversations that had _nothing to do with Lily Evans _or _nothing to do with Slughorn's vat of gooseflesh_ or _nothing to do with that secret room on the third floor_. Ignoring them, Remus turned to Peter who was in the process of trying to get into his bed without moving too much. He watched for a moment before he asked:

"So, how much did James lose?"

"Six Galleons," Peter answered.

"Well, serves him right," Remus replied. "He shouldn't have bet against you."

"Damn right," Peter grinned, finally getting under his covers. "But now he knows for the future." He grabbed his wand and closed his curtains with a flourish, then muttered, "G'night, Moony."

"Night, Pete," Remus replied.

Moments later, Potter and Black left the bathroom. They shared a look before they separated, James heading for his own bed and Sirius heading for Remus. James dropped down onto his bed, muttered a goodnight to them, and promptly fell asleep.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius greeted, sitting on the edge of Remus's bed.

"Hi, Pads," he replied, memories of a letter and its searing words flooding into his mind. He needed to ask. He needed to know what the note meant and why Sirius had left it for him and what they were supposed to do next. Instead of asking his questions however, he asked, "So, did you verse McKinnon? That would have been quite the match."

"Nah," Sirius replied. "I was happy watching James lose his money."

"Well, that's always fun."

Sirius grinned and nodded in agreement before he said, "So, how are you feeling? You look better. Not that you don't look good all of the time, I mean."

"Shut up," Remus muttered, feeling his ears going pink.

"One day you will learn to take a compliment, Moony," Sirius stated. "But I mean it. You look much better than you did earlier. Did you manage to get some more rest?"

"Kind of," he replied, heart pounding in his chest because it was happening; they were going to discuss the letter and all that it entailed. "Pads, could you close the curtains, please?"

Sirius frowned but nodded and did as Remus asked, shifting to sit on the bed properly and closing the curtains, leaving them shrouded in darkness. He then muttered a _Lumos Bulla_ which created bubbles of light that floated around the small space and effectively lit the cramped area. Remus, deciding that he wanted privacy for the conversation that was about to ensue, and not sure if James or Peter were actually asleep yet, cast a Silencing Charm on his bed. That done, he placed his wand under his pillow and pulled the folded note out.

Remus placed the letter in the space between them and watched as Sirius shifted nervously, his hands fidgeting with his sleeves and his eyes on anything but Remus. The fidgeting confirmed his suspicions: Sirius knew what the note was, and he had left it with Remus on purpose. He waited for his friend to say something but when the silence became too much, he decided to start the conversation.

"Pads, what is this?" he asked, deciding to get straight to the point.

Sirius stared at the note for a moment longer before he finally looked at Remus and grinned nervously. "Well, Moony. It appears to be a note of some sort..." he replied smartly, hands still twitching in his lap.

Remus frowned, a little concerned because it was rare to see his friend so uncertain.

Sirius Black was confidence personified and it took a lot to make him anxious. Remus had only seen Sirius nervous a handful of times before: the Sorting Feast in their first year, when Sirius was one of the first to be placed into Gryffindor House; the first Animagus transformation in front of Remus, performed the summer between fifth and sixth year; their first kiss, under the Quidditch stands after Gryffindor had won the penultimate match against Ravenclaw in their sixth year; the first date he and Remus had gone on, the summer between sixth and seventh year when they went to the Cinema; their first time, after the recent Bonfire Night.

"Right... Right, no, I got that," he replied, picking the letter up and turning it over in his hands absently. "Perhaps I should have been clearer. What I should have said was – What I should have asked was: Is this true? Everything written in the letter, I mean. Is this really what you think about me?"

Sirius was silent for a long moment – so long that Remus thought he might have to ask again. But then Sirius squared his shoulders, looked away from his hands, and stared into Remus's eyes; metallic grey meeting hazel-amber.

"Yes," he answered, his words soft but the meaning loud.

Remus nodded once and asked, "Then why didn't you just, you know, say it? You have a way with words, Sirius. Your silver-tongue is one of your many talents. Why did you think you would mess it up?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I just, I thought I'd say something wrong or that maybe I would forget something important. I didn't want to miss anything out, I guess."

Remus hummed and looked down at the parchment, noting the ripped edges. "Sirius, is this a journal entry?" he asked.

Sirius nodded, eyes attached the parchment as well.

"Right... And did you want me to read it?"

Sirius nodded again.

"Okay. Alright. Um, when did you write this?"

Sirius shrugged and replied, "I don't remember. You're always telling me to write dates down but... I always forget. I wrote it a while ago. Well, the Quick-Quotes Quill wrote it a while ago. Evans suggested I just talk to you, but Pete suggested I write a script."

"A script... Just how many people know of this?"

"Of how I feel, or of the letter?"

After little deliberation, Remus replied, "Both."

"Of how I feel: James, Lily, Peter and Marlene. Of the letter: no one."

"Right." Remus nodded and digested the information. "Okay."

"They haven't known for long. Well, I mean, James has known since fourth year. But Lily and Marlene only found out last month or so. Pete, well... I don't know when or how he found out."

"Okay," Remus mumbled, looking down at the letter and absorbing the information. "So, uh... how long have you felt this way?"

Sirius huffed a laugh and replied, "What, honestly?"

"No, lie to me," Remus deadpanned.

Sirius rolled his eyes but replied, "Well, we met in first year and I knew there was something different about you... and then I noticed that I felt something more for you in our fourth year... and then the Incident with Snape happened in February of our fifth year, which made me realise I couldn't be without you... then sixth year and the kiss happened... and then we had sex which made me mad for you... so, I don't know. Forever, I guess."

"Right," Remus nodded, wondering how he hadn't noticed all this time. "Why, um... why did you decide to tell me now? I mean, why not earlier?"

"Because I wasn't ready before," Sirius answered. "I've been wanting to tell you for ages but I just... I couldn't find the right way. I didn't want to fuck it up and lose you if you didn't feel the same. I couldn't find the right time and then... then I couldn't not tell you." He paused and stared at Remus for a moment before he asked, "Do you remember the other day, just before the Full, when you helped me with that Arithmancy equation?"

"... Yes."

"It was then that I knew I had to tell you; that I was ready to tell you," he stated. "I was so close to it. I looked at you and you were explaining how Arithmancy can help predict the future and you looked so... perfect. And my chest hurt. And I thought that if I didn't tell you now, I might never tell you. But then Prongs interrupted and Pete asked for your help with the Herbology assignment and I didn't know how to tell you. And then Pete suggested a script and I thought about my journal and, well..."

"So... you meant it, then?"

"Every word," Sirius answered, his voice sincere.

Remus nodded and unfolded the note, skimming through its contents. "You really think I'm beautiful, Pads?" he teased, batting his lashes.

"Shut up," Sirius muttered, pink flushing across his aristocratic cheekbones. "I know that 'beautiful' isn't how men are traditionally described but you are, Moony. Everything about you is beautiful and I just... well, you know. So... what now?"

Remus pondered the question for a long moment before he replied, "I think you should tell me."

"What?"

"I think you should tell me how you feel," he repeated. "Like, actually tell me."

Sirius nibbled his lip nervously before he nodded determinedly, shuffled forward on the bed, and took Remus's hands in his own. He then looked into Remus's eyes and professed:

"Moony, I love you. I love you so much that you could break my heart if you wanted and I would let you. I wouldn't even hate you for it because I love you; because I am in love with you. You could destroy me if you so wished and I wouldn't mind because it's you and I would let you do anything to me. So... Moony. Remus. If I give you my heart, would you please promise not to break it?"

"Stuttering mess, my arse," Remus mumbled, trying to not cry or laugh with incredulity because Sirius Black fucking loved him!

Sirius grinned and stared at him, grey eyes hopeful and thumbs drawings nervous circles on the backs of Remus's hands. Remus pretended to think about the question for a brief second before he grabbed Sirius by the shirt and dragged him in for a kiss.

The kiss was, for lack of a better word, breath-taking.

Lips glided over each other expertly and Remus inwardly crooned when he felt Sirius's hands wind themselves into his hair. The lip-lock was different yet familiar, an undercurrent of understanding there; like something had changed but for the better. And it had, he realised. Sirius Black was in love with him. Sirius Black trusted him. Sirius Black had given him his heart. And that changed things.

After an instant that could have been a minute or an hour, Remus pulled back and stared at Sirius. Sirius stared back, hands still tangled in Remus's choppy hair.

"I'll try not to break it," he promised. He planted another chaste kiss on Sirius's lips. "You want to sleep here tonight?"

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, unsure.

"Yes, I'm sure," he replied. (Typically he preferred to sleep alone around the Full Moon because he often felt too ill or too hot to have company, but he was feeling better and he just wanted Sirius next to him.)

Sirius grinned, "Okay."

They shuffled around in the small space and eventually settled into a comfortable position under the bedcovers: both of them lying on their sides, Remus's chest to Sirius's back, their legs tangled and Remus's arm throw over Sirius's waist. Sirius linked their fingers together and pulled Remus closer to himself. The werewolf went willingly and dropped his forehead into the area between Sirius's shoulder blades, inhaling the familiar scent of his bed-mate.

"_Nox_," Sirius whispered, plunging the pair into darkness. "Goodnight, Moony."

"Night, Padfoot," Remus replied.

A few moments later, Remus heard the tell-tale signs that Sirius had fallen asleep, his breathing heavy and evening out. He, however, could not sleep. He was too busy thinking about the near-man in the bed next to him. He decided that he would have to be as brave as Sirius and tell the truth as well. He would have to tell Sirius everything he noticed about him. He would have to do something to let Sirius know how much he was loved. The only thing to figure out was how to tell Sirius.

Remus drifted off to sleep with that thought in his mind.


End file.
